Contemplations
by Maud1
Summary: I suck at summaries, so just read and find out !


DISCLAIMER : I use the characters for my own entertainment and I don't own them... but if I could have Chris Meloni.*heavy sigh* AUTHOR'S NOTE : This is my first SVU fic in English. I usually write in French. It's a little fantasy that came to my mind 2 days ago while I was waiting for the show. It's really hard to express what you want when you don't write in your mother tongue ! I'm not perfect so, please, forgive my mistakes, but tell me where they are !! FEEDBACKS: They're welcomed and helpful to improve. Tell me what you think.  
  
Contemplations  
  
Elliot Stabler looked up from the file he was reading and rubbed his eyes. He glanced at his watch, it indicated 3.15 am and he felt like he'd been bumped out of a daydream and was back to reality.  
  
He'd been working for seventeen hours now and, like all the team, was trying to find a lead on their latest case. A psychiatrist had been found brutally raped and murdered in her office. Apparently, the perp was one of her patient and the detectives were trying to find his ID in the doctor's files, which was a hard thing since this woman was one of the most famous psychiatrist of Manhattan.  
  
Elliot looked around the quiet squadroom: Munch and Fin weren't at their desk anymore, probably gone for a coffee he assumed. Cragen didn't seem to be in his office either and Stabler found himself a bit dumbfounded: he'd been so concentrated in reading these files that he hadn't noticed that everybody had deserted the squadroom, even his partner. Hmm, you're really paying attention, Stabler, he said to himself  
  
She was probably still in the building as all her stuff was at her desk. He got up from his chair and decided to look for Olivia; he needed to stay awake and he knew she wouldn't say no to a coffee which was better than the one of the station. The first place that came to his mind was the Incident Room where the five boxes full of files were stocked. He headed towards the room expecting to see Olivia reading a file trying to find a match and certainly being as tired as he was. But she wasn't there. Damn, where is she ? he thought.  
  
After having checked all the rooms, he went upstairs knowing this was the last place where she could be. He was right.  
  
"Hey Liv, I've been looking for you. Do you want to." he stopped when he saw his partner curled up on the couch, deeply asleep over a file.  
  
The sight made Elliot smile and made him realize how beautiful she really was. Of course, he'd always acknowledged she was attractive, but tonight it hit him like a slap in the face. Maybe it was because of the moonlight that cast a blue glow over her sleeping form.  
  
No, he corrected himself, she's gorgeous whenever it is. He took the file from under her head and sat in the nearest chair, just staying here, looking at his partner, lost in his thoughts.  
  
She seemed so vulnerable like that, even though he knew she was much stronger than the first time she arrived in the SVU. At that time, although it was easily understandable because of her past, she took every rape case way too personally. It wasn't the best way to last in that job. Now, she was able to keep her emotions under control and to keep her objectivity. But Elliot knew she was still suffering for that part of her that would always be missing and he hated that.  
  
He hated to think she might not be completely happy because of that. If there was one person who deserved happiness, it was Olivia. She'd gone through a lot and needed to be loved. And it was then Elliot realized.  
  
He realized that he didn't want her to get hurt. He wanted to see her beautiful smile shine and illuminate her face. He'd always cared about her but tonight he realized he was much more concerned about her than a partner was supposed to be. "I love her" he whispered. He smiled at that. Yes, he loved Olivia, not only as a friend or a partner.  
  
But he knew that even if she shared his feelings, she'd never get involved with him as long as he'd be married. And he would never belittle her by expecting her to pursue an affair. She meant too much to him.  
  
First and foremost she was his best friend. Olivia knew him better than anyone else, surely even more his wife. Kathy will never be able to fully understand what it means to be a cop in SVU and see all the broken souls that pass through the precinct. In four years together as partners, Olivia had always been there when he needed her. He could easily talk to her about his thoughts on a case, he knew she would understand because she witnessed the same things as he did.  
  
Their friendship was something really precious to him and he didn't want to screw it up. He'd rather have her as his best friend than as the woman he has an affair with and even if things weren't great at home, he wasn't ready to divorce Kathy yet.  
  
A slamming door downstairs brought Elliot back to present. Fin and Munch were returning from their coffee and were arguing. Elliot looked at Olivia still peacefully asleep. He didn't want to wake her up; she needed rest so he pulled off his jacket and laid it over her. He bent down and kissed her temple gently. She turned slightly, a small smile forming on her lips. He sighed: he'd fallen deeply in love with that woman. He watched her one last time before heading downstairs. 


End file.
